Many people (in the West),
who have been hugely influenced by negative media stereotypes of
Muslims, believe that Muslims are not humorous people. Contrary to this
belief, Muslims actually enjoy a laugh!!
Although after saying this,
Muslims do abide by some basic rules on making jokes (such as humour
being within the limits of Islamic tolerance, and not going beyond the
bounds of truth.)
Below are a nice collection of Islamic ancedotes and humorous stories.
If you know of any humorous jokes or ancedotes, then please do send
them in to me!
Most of the stories below are of a well-known and much-loved folk hero
throughout the Muslim world - Mullah Nasruddin. Sometimes he seems
foolish, but really he is wise. Stories like this one are told from
China to Africa, and beyond.
Nasruddin Goes Fishing
One day, Mullah Nasruddin decided to go fishing. He called upon his
good friend Rabbi Moishe, got their poles and bait together, rented a
small rowboat at the local harbor, and off to sea they went.
After an amazing afternoon of fishing, the two men had caught thirty
fish. An elated Mullah Nasruddin said to Rabbi Moishel, "Better mark
this spot so we can come here tomorrow!"
The next day Mullah Nasruddin met up with Rabbi Moishe at the rental harbor for another day of fishing.
"Did you mark the spot?" Mullah Nasruddin asked Rabbi Moishe confidentially.
"Of couse," replied Rabbi Moishe, "I painted a big white X on the bottom of the rowboat."
"You fool!" Shouted Mullah Nasruddin and slapped his forehead, "What if we can’t rent that same boat today?!?!?"
Nasruddin And The Judge
One day, Joe Christian
passed by a restaurant. He was tired and hungry, for he had had nothing
to eat all day. His nostrils caught the smell of the delicious food
being cooked inside. He stopped and sniffed, smiled sadly, and began to
walk away. But he did not get far. The owner of the restaurant, Rabbi
Moishe, came storming out into the street. "Come here!" he bellowed. "I
saw that! You took the smell of my food, and you’ll have to pay for
it!"
Joe Christian did not know what to do. "I cannot pay!" he stammered. "I have no money!"
"No money!" shouted Rabbi Moishe. "We’ll see about that! You’re coming
with me to the judge!" Naturally, Joe Christian was frightened.
"Hmm," said the judge, when he had heard the story. "Well, this is an
unusual case. Let me think. Come back tomorrow, and I’ll pronounce the
sentence."
What could Joe Christian do? He knew whatever sum the judge demanded,
payment would be impossible. All night long he tossed and turned,
unable to sleep for worry.
When dawn came he made his way to the judges court. As he passed by a
mosque he spotted a familiar figure - Mullah Nasruddin. Suddenly, his
heart lifted. For he knew that Mullah Nasruddin was a clever man, who
was sure to be able to think of a way around the problem. He poured out
his story, and Mullah Nasruddin agreed to come to the court and speak
for him.
Rabbi Moishe was already at the court, chatting with the judge. Joe
Christian saw that they were friends, and feared the judgment would go
against him. He was right. The judge began heaping insults upon Joe
Christian as soon as he saw him, and ordered him to pay a very large
sum of money. At once, Mullah Nasruddin stepped forward. "My lord," he
said to the judge. "This man is a good friend of mines. Allow me to pay
in his place."
Then Mullah Nasruddin took a small bag of coins from his belt and held
it next to Rabbi Moishe’s ear. He shook the bag, so that the coins
jingled. "Can you hear that?" asked Mullah Nasruddin.
"Of course," replied Rabbi Moishe, impatiently.
"Well, that is your payment," said Mullah Nasruddin. "My friend here,
has smelled your food, and you have heard his money. The debt is paid."
And, in the face of such argument, the case was settled and the Joe Christian went free.
Nasruddin’s Friendly Neighbour
One day, for one some
reason or another, Mullah Nasruddin goes around to Rabbi Moishe’s house
and asks if he can borrow a pot for a day or two. His neighbour knowing
Mullah Nasruddin is reluctant, but eventually agrees as they’ve been
close friends for many years.
The very next day, Mullah
Nasruddin returns two pots and explains to the over-delighted Rabbi
Moishe that the first pot gave birth to the second pot.
A week later, Mullah Nasruddin asks Rabbi Moishe if he can borrow two
pots. Rabbi Moishe immediately agrees - for the obvious reason.
But to Rabbi Moishe’s dismay, Mullah Nasruddin never returns the pots,
so he asks Mullah Nasruddin if he can have his pots back, but the
Mullah Nasruddin explains that tragically both pots have died.
Rabbi Moishe is incensed. "How can a pot die?" he demands.
"You believed it when a pot gave birth," said Mullah Nasruddin. "Why should you not believe that a pot dies?"
Nasruddin’s Clever Wife
Mullah Nasruddin was
standing outside the mosque after prayer. He had told his wife to meet
him outside of the door, but after fifteen minutes she had not shown.
He saw his friend Jafar coming out of the door.
"salam alaikum, brother," Mullah Nasruddin said respectfully, "I wonder, did you happen to see my wife inside the mosque?
"I’m sorry, I didn’t, but I’m sure she’ll be right out." Jafar replied, and walked upon his way.
Mullah Nasruddin waited for fifteen minutes, but his wife did not show. He then saw his friend Nabil walk out of the door.
"Salam alaikum, brother," Mullah Nasruddin said respectfully, "I wonder, did you happen to see my wife inside the mosque?
"I’m sorry, I didn’t, but I’m sure she’ll be right out." Nabil replied, and walked upon his way.
Mullah Nasruddin waited for fifteen more minutes, but his wife did not
show. He then saw the Imam coming out the door. The Imam locked the
mosque door behind him.
"Salam Alaikum Sheikh," Mullah Nasruddin said respectfully, "I am looking for my wife. Do you by chance, know where she went?"
"I’m sorry, no one is left in the Mosque," replied the Imam, "All have gone for the night." and he walked upon his way.
Full of anger, Mullah Nasruddin walked home alone. When he got there, his wife was standing outside the door.
Nasruddin and His Donkey
Rabbi Moishe, in need of a
donkey, went around to Mullah Nasruddin’s farm to ask him if he could
borrow his donkey for a day or two.
Mullah Nasruddin came up with the excuse that someone had already borrowed his donkey.
Just as Mullah Nasruddin uttered these words, his donkey started
braying in his backyard. Hearing the sound, Rabbi Moishe gave him an
accusing look, to which Mullah Nasruddin replied: "I refuse to have any
further dealings with you since you take a donkey’s word over mine."
Nasruddin’s Car Drive
Mullah Nasruddin and his wife are in their car driving.
Suddenly his wife screams, "STOP THE CAR!!!"
"What is it?" Mullah Nasruddin asks.
"Turn around and go back home!! I forgot to turn off the oven!! The house will burn down!!!"
Mullah Nasruddin kept on driving.
"Why aren’t you turning around?"
"The house won’t burn down…" Mullah Nasruddin replied. "…I forgot to turn off the shower."
Nasruddin’s Vision
Mullah Nasruddin and Rabbi
Moishe were traveling through the desert. It was so hot that the air
was shimmering. In the distance they saw something black on the ground.
Rabbi Moishe said, "It’s a vulture." Mullah Nasruddin said, "No, it’s a
goat." They drew closer, still arguing over what it was. Rabbi Moishe
threw a rock at it. It flapped its wings and lifted into the air.
"See!" said Rabbi Moishe. "I told you it was a vulture."
"That doesn’t prove anything," Mullah Nasruddin. "It could be a goat with wings."
The Train Journey
Rabbi Moishe, Mullah Nasruddin and a Nun were sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Jerusalem.
Suddenly the train went through a tunnel. As it was an old style train,
there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then
there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.
When the train came out of the tunnel, the Nun and Rabbi Moishe were
sitting as if nothing had happened, and Mullah Nasruddin had his hand
against his face as if he had been slapped there.
Mullah Nasruddin was thinking: ‘Rabbi Moishe, must have kissed the Nun and she missed him and slapped me instead.’
The Nun was thinking: ‘Mullah Nasruddin must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed Rabbi Moishe and got a slap for it.
Rabbi Moishe was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes
through a tunnel I’ll make that kissing noise and slap Mullah Nasruddin
again.
A lesson taught
Nasruddin went to a public
bath. The servant didn?t pay any attention and didn?t serve him when
Nasruddin was leaving the bath, he gave ten Dinars to the servants.The
attendants were surprised and happy. Next week when he again went to
the bath all the services were provided to him. Every one was having a
sense of inferiority. But Nasruddin on leaving the place gave only one
Dinar to them. The servants and the owner were very much bewildered and
asked, "What is the reason for the uncalled bonus of last week and
improper behavior this week?" Nasruddin replied, "I paid today?s wage
last week and last week?s wage today so that you learn to behave
politely with your customers!"
Rescuing the moon
Nasruddin was looking at
the image of the moon in a well. He thought it was a recompense to take
out the moon from the well. Therefore, he threw a rope inside the well
and swung it a few times. Incidentally, the tip of the rope got caught
to a big stone. He tried to take the rope out. Hence he pulled it with
a lot of force. The rope tore off and he fell on his hack to the
ground. When he looked at the sky, he saw the moon and said, "Doesn?t
matter. My efforts were not wasted. Though I faced a lot of
difficulties, I finally succeeded to rescue the moon."
Lack of Time
Once a person slapped
Nasruddin in the street. Later he came back and started to apologize
and said that he had mistaken Nasruddin for some one else. But
Nasruddin was not satisfied and took tight hold of his collar, took him
to the judge and told the judge about the incident. The judge ordered,
"Nasruddin must slap that person to avenge. But Nasruddin didn?t get
satisfied. Thus the judge ordered the person to give Nasruddin a gold
coin in lieu of the slap. The accused had to go out of the court to
bring the gold coin. Nasruddin waited for sometime. The accused didn?t
come back. Nasruddin stood up and slapped the judge on his face and
said, "Since I have a lot of work, whenever that person Comes and
brings the coin, You take the money for this slap."
Mullah Nasrudin and the The Burglar
A thief went to Nasrudin’s
house and carried away almost all the possessions of the mullah to his
own home. While Nasrudin had been watching from the street. After a few
minutes Nasrudin took up a blanket, followed him, went in to his house,
lay down and pretended to go to sleep. The thief asked Mullah, "who are
you? And what are you doing in my house?" Mullah replied, "we were
moving into your house, weren’t we?"
Real Evidence
A neighbour called on
Nasrudin. "Mulla, I want to borrow your donkey." "I am sorry," said the
Mullah, "but I have already lent it out." As soon as he had spoken, the
donkey brayed. The sound came from Nasruding?s stable. "But Mulla, I
can hear the donkey, in here!" As he shut the door in the man?s face,
Nasrudin said, with dignity: "A man who believes the word of a donkey
in preference to my word does not deserve to be lent anything."
A Dinner of Smells
Once, long ago, a very fine
and expensive restaurant stood on a busy street in a bustling market
town. One day, a poor man passed by this restaurant. He was tired and
hungry, for he had had nothing to eat all day. His nostrils caught the
smell of the delicious food being cooked inside. He stopped and
sniffed, smiled sadly, and began to walk away.
But he did not get far. The owner of the restaurant came storming out into the street.
"Come here!" he bellowed. "I saw that! You took the smell of my food, and you’ll have to pay for it!"
The poor man did not know what to do.
"I cannot pay!" he stammered. "I have no money!" "No money!" shouted
the restaurant owner. "We’ll see about that! You’re coming with me to
the Qadi!
A Qadi is a judge in a Muslim court. Naturally, he is very powerful, and the poor man was frightened.
"Hmm," said the Qadi, when he had heard the story. "Well, this is an
unusual case. Let me think. Come back tomorrow, and I’ll pronounce the
sentence."
What could the poor man do? He knew whatever sum the Qadi demanded, payment would be impossible.
All night long he tossed and turned, unable to sleep for worry. When
dawn came he said his prayers and, tired and dejected, made his way to
the Qadi’s court.
As he passed the masjid he spotted a familiar figure — Nasrudin the
Hoja. Suddenly, his heart lifted. For he knew that Nasrudin was a
clever man, who was sure to be able to think of a way around the
problem. He poured out his story, and Nasrudin agreed to come to the
court and speak for him. The rich restaurant owner was already at the
court, chatting with the Qadi. The poor man saw that they were friends,
and feared the judgment would go against him.
He was right. The Qadi began heaping insults upon the poor man as soon
as he saw him, and ordered him to pay a very large sum of money.
At once, Nasrudin stepped forward. "My lord," he said to the Qadi. "This man is my brother. Allow me to pay in his place."
Then the mullah took a small bag of coins from his belt an held it next
to the rich man’s ear. He shook the bag, so that the coins jingled.
"Can you hear that?" asked Nasrudin.
"Of course," the man replied, impatiently.
"Well, that is your payment," said the mullah. "My brother has smelled
your food, and you have heard his money. The debt is paid."
And, in the face of such argument, the case was settled and the poor man went free.
The rickshaw ride
Once a missonary on his way to run some errand hired a rickshaw. The
rickshaw-puller happened to be a muslim. The christian preacher began
to preach the Gospel to the R.P. The rickshaw puller got annoyed and
asked the preacher "How many sons did God have?" The missionary
answered "One". At this the rickshaw puller got more annoyed and said
"I am a thirty year old poor rickshaw puller, I have twelve children.
If your God is really as great as you claim him to be, then how come he
has only one son?"
If Allah Wills
Nasruddin was determined to be decisive and efficient. one day he told
his wife he would plow his largest field on the far side of the river
and be back for a big dinner. She urged him to say, "If Allah is
willing."
He told her whether Allah was willing or not, that was his plan. The frightened wife looked up to Allah and asked forgiveness.
Nasruddin loaded his wooden plow, hitched up the oxen to the wagon, climbed on his donkey, and set off.
But within the short span of a day the river flooded from a cloudburst
and washed his donkey downstream, and one of the oxen broke a leg in
the mud, leaving Nasruddin to hitch himself in its place to plow the
field.
Having finished only half the field, at the sunset he set out for home
exhausted and soaking wet. The river was still high so he had to wait
until long past dark to cross over.
After midnight a very wet but much wiser Nasruddin knocked at his door. Who is there Asked his wife.
I think it is me, Nasruddin, he replied, if Allah is willing!
www.zaharuddin.net
9th November 2007
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